My first son Cameron was born in February 2003. I had planned a midwife attended home-birth. I went into labour in the evening and several hours later was fighting the urge to push as I was still waiting for my birth attendants. I realized that the my baby was probably breech as there was copious amount of thick meconium. Despite the meconium, I was confident that my midwives were experienced and would have no trouble assisting me should I require a hand; although I doubted I would. I felt great and was so excited to meet my new little one. I felt the baby move down. I could feel his bones rub against mine. I knew he would be born soon!

 

The midwives arrived and when they determined that the baby was indeed breech they activated the EMS. Within minutes, the EMTs were at my door and I walked, baby bulging between my legs, to the ambulance. I was confused and my sense of confidence was quickly eroding. “Why couldn’t I just push once, hard, the baby would come” If only I had. Instead I became the “good patient” and obeyed when I was told to NOT push.

 

When I arrived at the hospital I was in no mindset to defend myself. No one would listen to me. I tried to explain that I wanted a vaginal birth but my voice was lost in the hurry and panic of the moment. Not my panic . I was shutting down. Lost in the horror of becoming a victim.

 

I had a Caesarean Section and although I did sign a consent it was under immense duress and pressure from all those around me. Where was my Midwife? Wasn’t she the protector of birth and women? Why didn’t my Doula stand up and say, “Jen you don’t have to sign that, raise your voice louder”? I believe that perhaps they couldn’t, for they too were caught in the storm and their voices were never heard.

 

I did suffer mentally and physically. I left the hospital 13 hours post-op. I was empty. I smiled and held my new baby but inside I cried and relived the birth over and over. If only I had locked myself in the bathroom . . . if only . . .

 

And then I was pregnant with David. I felt strong and informed. Again I planned a homebirth and again my child presented breech. We discovered this in the 26th week and the pressure started. A “sympathetic” obstetrician recommended a C/S at 38 weeks.  My midwives were experienced with breech presentation but they felt we would be safest delivering at a hospital. I was reluctant to birth at a hospital but agreed to consider this option. It never became an option. We were unable to find one Obstetrician willing to work collaboratively with us to deliver my breech baby. The midwives were in a difficult position. The following is an excerpt from my letter of intention.

 

The purpose of this letter is to inform the members of my birth team of my intentions to give birth to my second child vaginally despite existing risk factors which include a previous cesarean section and a current frank breech presentation. I have made this important birthing decision consciously and carefully based upon extensive consideration of current research and literature as well as full and open discussion of risks with my health care team.

        I understand that the hospital is considered the safest place to attempt a VBAC and a vaginal breech birth. However, it is my very strong and informed conviction that a hospital birth, by its very nature, will create the conditions that I believe will result in a repeat cesarean section. I feel that during labour I will be coerced by hospital staff to submit to inappropriate fear-based interventions which will lead to a poor outcome in this birthing situation. Therefore, it is my intent to deliver my baby at home with or without the assistance of my midwives.

        I have carefully considered all of my birthing options and feel confident to accept full responsibility for the outcomes of my choices.  I have included a spot for my husband to sign this document as a show of support for my right to make informed decisions regarding my healthcare and birth options.

 

And this is were the story ends. My son turned on his own at 39 + 4 days. He was born simply at home. Caught with my own hands.